I know this post may seem out of the ordinary for me, but I’ve been struggling so much recently, I just needed to get it off my chest.
We all have those days when life can just seem too much and we feel like we cant cope. It’s something I feel quite often and sometimes I feel like I cant cope.
I’ve suffered anxiety ever since I was a child and the depression followed shortly after I hit my teen years. It’s something I am still plagued with today. I’m not really sure why I’m writing this, I guess I just need a little vent.
My anxiety and depression was something I never intended on writing about, because I didnt want anyone to know. I was scared and worried that i would be seen as weak and pathetic. Today, I’ve decided not to care about what others think. Only I know how I feel.
If I have any readers who suffer similar to me or have their own demons, I want you to know that your not alone and you never will be. No matter how different or complicated your issues may seem, it is always good to talk about it.
I’ve not been doing too good the past month. I had to be signed off from work for 4 weeks due to a relapse. I’ve been given new medication to try but it’s just that wait until it finally gets into your system.
I cant explain how anxiety and depression makes me feel. The closest I can describe is that I feel apart of me is missing and because of that, I don’t feel content. How I feel in myself is also hard to explain as I don’t even know myself. One minute, I’ll feel nothing, I just feel empty. The next minute I’ll feel every emotion possible and I cant pin point which one I’m supposed to be feeling.
I woke up this morning and it was supposed to be my first day back after my time off but the moment I opened my eyes, I knew I couldn’t go in. I just wanted to crawl back under my duvet and stay there. When trying to figure out whether I was going to make myself go in, all I could think about was just grabbing my shoes and running out to door. I had no idea where I wanted to go, I just wanted to keep running away from the feeling.
I have no idea why I feel these things or what causes it and this morning, it was getting to me so much. I just felt so confused, broken and terrified.
We all have our own demons and unfortunately these are some of mine but I know one day I will overcome it. I am strong, I will not let it get the better of me. Today was a bad day but there will always be tomorrow, a new day, and I can prepare myself for it and ease myself into it. I know I can do it, you can too.
Thank you for reading this post, I know it’s not my normal style and it’s a bit of a depressing one, but I really wanted to talk about it.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will conquer it.